Department of Motivating Vanity

Oh, DMV… you are such a sneaky mistress! Day two of two and I’m no closer to obtaining a drivers license with my new married last name and updated (non-disgruntled-teen) photo than I was 12 months ago when I should have taken care of it all in the first place…

I am willing to accept some responsibility for this. In fact, the ladies at the DMV were unbelievably nice… especially after the multiple rejections caused me to want to throw myself on the floor tantrum-style and poke my eyes out with their little accordion pens. But right now I’m too exhausted from two straight days of doing my hair and using advanced makeup techniques like primer and eyeliner to really care about my roll in all of this. I want a nap. And a drivers license.

This experience has led me to self-evaluate and ask some hard hitting questions… mainly, who are these super-human women that get up every morning and put in the time to look foxy and fabulous? Seriously… who are you?! How do you do what you do? Sometimes I tell myself that you just roll out of bed looking cookie-cutter cute… but that denies you props for your outstanding commitment to consistent glam. Other times I tell myself you’re all just freaks of nature, compensating for some weird sub-level issue, like scales or an extra belly-button… but then I catch my overt jealousy showing and it makes me feel ugly.

Alas, I fall into a different category of woman… the kind who prefers creature comforts that only a cozy bed and fluffy comforter can provide, like sleep. I like to spend my mornings sleeping. On days that I have a little extra time after I’m done sleeping, I like to sleep some more.

Two days in a row now I’ve sacrificed my mornings to the hair and makeup gods… with shocking success (if I say so myself… which I do, because no one can say otherwise and there certainly isn’t photographic evidence of my engineered beauty… thanks for nothing, DMV!). I just don’t have another day in me. I’m being completely honest when I say that I’ll be rescheduling my next appointment for a minimum of two weeks out in order to give myself time to recover and muster enough courage to do it all over again.

In the interest of time (that nap is calling my name), I’ll only ask once more… who are you super-human ladies and which one of you is coming over to teach me the treasures of your trade? I can pay you in the untold benefits that my unfortunate expertise of navigating the beast known as the Department of Motor Vehicles can provide. Trust me, this is a good deal.


2 thoughts on “Department of Motivating Vanity

  1. Nora says:

    I don’t even like sleep that much and probably have enough time in the mornings to put in the extra effort and yet don’t. The women that do put the time in really amaze me too. I think they enjoy getting ready (hair and makeup) as much as you like you’re sleep. It’s fun for them. But seriously my personal thoughts: people at work don’t care/aren’t worth my cuteness, I’m never going to look that much better from the extra time (I mean america’s next top model isn’t going to come calling), and finally I feel like it all wears off in a matter of hours and I’m still a hot mess after the midday gym trip or an all day meeting. But I can’t wait to see your DMV photo maybe america’s next top model will come calling for you 🙂

    • Amanda says:

      Woah… is it weird that I never actually considered someone could like anything more than sleep? Interesting perspective, Ms. Burke. And I don’t know what you’re talking about… I’ve seen your perfect attendance award picture from grade school, you’ve always been stunning.

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